A dear friend of mine gave me a set of Angel Cards as a gift, the first thought I had was how pretty they are and I couldn’t wait to have a look at them and see what the Angels had to say.
Lately, I have been feeling quite strange about my life and my relationship and frankly my self. I have been really quite numb about everything, nothing has been bringing me much joy except sleep. When my friend gave me these Angel Cards it was like a light switching on in my heart and I was excited to get home and ask a question.
Before I tell you what my question was, let me explain how I use the cards. First and foremost the cards do not tell me how to live my life. The cards are there to remind me of things I need to see in myself, things I need to remember to let go because they no longer serve me. The cards don’t say “You have to let go of the trauma your ex caused you.” The cards will say “Surrender and Release”, this reminds me to let go and allow God/Angels/Source/Gaia/Mother Nature/Universe (whatever you call the higher powers) to help you release the old so that it can be replaced by something better. So I do not rely on the cards to tell me my future, I work on my present.
So back to the question I asked, it might sound silly to you but I asked the Universe “How can I love my partner the best way?” while shuffling the Angel Cards, then I took the top card from the deck and turned over Serenity. To be honest at first I thought that’s silly how do I love my partner with serenity? But when I read the little explanation in the booklet it made complete sense. It starts with Peace of mind means feeling secure, and knowing you’re always provided for. It goes on to say more, but I found my answer in these words, in order to love my partner in the best way, I have to love myself in the best way, peace of mind is within me and once I love myself and feel secure in myself, the best love for my partner will flow freely for him. I have to stop worrying that I am not loving him correctly.
So on with the continuous journey of inner work, self love and self discovery.
Lately I’ve been practicing my breathing trying to breathe deeply in and out, expelling as much air as what I take in. With each breath in I slow it down and fill up my lungs and belly. With each breath out I push all the negative energy out.
I find myself using this practice quite a few times a day when I start to feel nervous or anxious about something. Usually, I remind myself that I’ve overcome many difficult situations in the past and I’m strong enough to overcome more. There are other times where it’s not about overcoming something it’s just about breathing and telling my inner voice to be quiet.
For instance, the other day I went in the sail boat with my boyfriend on the Broadwater at the Gold Coast. Now I’m not talking about a boat with space to move, I’m talking about a boat the size of a tinnie with a sail attached to it. I sit in the middle to keep it balanced and my boyfriend sits behind me steering and telling me when to move so I don’t get hit by the sail. Well anyway the wind was blowing and we saw dolphins right next to us, we stopped at one of the islands and had a swim, it was beautiful but all I could think of was, when do I have to move, when do I have to pull the keel out so it doesn’t drag in the sand, what happens if I fall out, will I get hit on the head and be knocked unconscious? Yes, even though I was fine and I can swim and I was actually enjoying it, for the life of me I could not relax. I would practice my breathing and it would help for a little while but then I would feel myself tense up and my upper body would become stiff and sore. This then leads into my body being in pain the next day. Why??? I hate feeling this way, I should be relaxed, cruising along the water, wind in my hair, dolphins racing us.
Do you ever feel this way, when you are in a relaxing situation, but you just cannot relax? I will continue to practice my breathing to calm down, but now I am starting to think (while I’m writing this) that it may have something to do with self-trust as well.
I’m coming out of the “Woo Woo” closet tonight with the New Moon. I have been studying all the things I was interested in as a kid and told that they were EVIL. Now I am following my heart and accepting what resonates with me. Astrology and the Energy of the Universe is so beautiful and it was used for working out when to plant seeds, when to harvest, when women would get their periods, navigation and so many other good things.
This New Moon is the first of the year and is a great time to set intentions for the year to come (plant seeds). Let go of the old and start the new, stop being afraid of what others think, there will always be Judges and most of the time they are the ones who say judging is a SIN.
One of my intentions this year is to be consistent with this blog and share what I am learning about myself. Another is to become more familiar with the Moon, Stars and Planets and to learn from the PAST to have a fantastic PRESENT.
This year I will “pull my finger out” and do what I want and trust that everything will fall into place. Follow MY dreams and NOT the path of others. This is MY life and in order to be HAPPY, I need to LIVE it.
Be ready to read about Astrology, the Tarot, Past Lives, Crystals and Spiritual Healing.
Now use this New Moon to release any old beliefs that don’t serve you anymore, forgive yourself and others and set New intentions for 2020. If you have crystals pop them outside in the moonlight or on your windowsill to get energized.
I forgive myself for not forgiving and releasing things that no longer or ever served me well.
I forgive myself for not being confident enough to continue writing how I felt (truthfully).
I forgive myself for not realizing that I needed to write as a creative outlet to release my fears and not only help myself but others as well.
I forgive myself for being afraid of being my TRUE self and worrying about the judgement I may receive for following a “different” path.
I release all the old beliefs I held on for so long, ancestral, parental, religious, peer, social. All those beliefs that never made me feel safe and secure but only brought fear and guilt and lies. I release those and the bad feelings I had towards those I blindly followed.
I will no longer have the conflict and fights inside my head over what is deemed wrong or right, but choose only what is right for me and me only. I choose love over fear, love for my mind, body and soul. My soul will achieve the promise it made when it chose my body to fulfill this part of its life journey.
My choices in life have led me to allow others to disrespect me. I’ve allowed it and just stopped noticing when it is happening. So then I don’t stop it from happening and it just keeps continuing.
How did I find out I was being disrespected? I told my man some things that were said to me (that I thought were funny ). When he heard what people were saying to me he could not believe that I would let people disrespect me like that.
I was confused at first, thinking these people were just being silly, just Aussie larrikins, didn’t really mean what they were saying…
But, when I took time to think about it , I was shocked to see that people don’t respect me as a mature respectable woman.
Of course, a lot of this behavior is because of my own behavior in the past. During my last relationship (mental and physical abuse) I would try to cover up what was happening at home by over exaggerating my love life to somehow make others think I had this amazing relationship and exciting intimacy.
This was my mistake!!!
Some people only remember me this way because they haven’t seen me since my life has changed. Not their fault… but I have changed and I need to set them straight if they speak to me in a disrespectful way.
Trying to be someone I’m not has backfired… so much so , some people still treat me like the fake I was.
Unfortunately, I still don’t know who I am. But I sure know who I’m not.
I NEED TO STAND UP FOR MYSELF
Many of my friends know what I went through and know how I’ve changed over the last 2 years and have seen me grow and mature and slowly move on from my nightmare. They never bring up things from my past or think it’s funny to mention embarrassing things I may have said or done. My real friends respect me.
Hi everyone, I'm sorry it's been so long since my last post. Since then things have gone downhill, I've been very moody, depressed, strange, tired, confused, anxious, snappy and just plain unhappy 😔. Turns out going off the contraceptive pill can do this (wish the dr had mentioned it). It's been 3 very long months of bickering and arguing with my loved ones. I decided yesterday to see if it could be the side effects of going off the pill and low and behold I found a forum of 81 pages of women going through similar symptoms as I have and still am. Now I know I'm feeling a little better and there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Many women say it takes about 6-8 months to get back to "normal ". Upside: I'm off to France tomorrow morning with my love (hopefully still loves me at the end of this holiday). It's been very hard on him ( I'm sorry 😐). Note to self… Eve you are going back to a city you love ❤️ be HAPPY 😊. E.