This one is going to take a while…
Well unlike The Eve of Creation, I started life like everyone else, being born into a loving family. I was the first child for a religious couple in the late 70’s. A father who was raised by two very dysfunctional parents and a mother raised by very strict European Christian parents.
The time when choice didn’t really matter
My earliest memories are of being in church surrounded by sounds of hymns and prayer, then playing with the other children in the car park of the church grounds. This was the fun times. Family (quite a few members of the church were my immediate family, aunts, uncles and cousins), friends and new faces around all the time, for a young child this was exciting.
The time I realized there were choices but it was easier to do what others thought was best for me
At the time, probably around the age of 12, I had no idea I was doing it but I started to worry about what others thought about me, especially my parents and the church. I started saying yes to things I really didn’t believe in and really didn’t want to be a part of. And when it came to performing in front of people (choir, plays, narrating) I hated it and became so stressed about trying to look the part and not letting people see the real me. I became this girl who stayed under the radar, didn’t take risks ( accept fight with my sister or watch tv instead of doing homework). I did subjects at school that were mainstream (good subjects for a girl). Many decisions were made for me, I stopped fighting it and just accepted others knew what was better for me. This is where I tell you that parents do their best and do it from love and from experience. I’m not telling you this to blame my parents or others in my past. People do what they can.
To be continued…