When I realised something needed to change…

After I left my husband, I was contacted by a guy I went to high school with 20 years ago. He looked ok on his fb profile and was a single father. I agreed to meet him for coffee. I remember being nervous and then thinking he was a little strange (stupidly I put it down to him being nervous too).

I saw him a few more times, he was caring and didn’t try to move the relationship to fast. I thought he was charming. He was unemployed, but said it was only until his child went to school ( I thought it was very sweet that he chose to spend time with his child before school started ). He lived in an apartment under his parents house, I was living with my cousin, so I couldn’t judge that.

I went overseas early in the relationship, he was very supportive when he left me at the airport. Halfway through the holiday he started to get jealous and mean when we spoke… I told him not to be silly . When I got back we resumed our relationship and I moved in.

He then started to get back pain and leg pain and intimate times were difficult for him. I wanted to help him, I felt like I needed to do for him what I didn’t do in my marriage . I looked after him, cared for him, spend every minute out of work with him and searched for cures.

He started to accuse me of cheating on him at work. He would ask where I had been, why I was late, why I went to work early etc…

One night there was an incident involving his child and mine and his Father told me I couldn’t have my children there anymore. So I found a house big enough for all of us. My bf refused to move in full time, he started sharing the cost of food and utilities because he was there all the time.

After 2 years of ups and downs and many screaming matches , he hit me! He would throw burning cigarettes at me, glasses of coke and spit at me.

WHY DIDN’T I LEAVE?

He had met me at a very vulnerable time, I was feeling guilty about leaving my Marriage. He knew this and started to get into my head from the very beginning. Got me to trust him and believe everything he said. 

He did it so well, I had no idea it was happening. I tell friends it was like voluntarily taking my brain out of my head and handing it over to him. I kept going back for more.

I feel so stupid now.

After leaving him I put a dvo on him and went into hiding. Work was my safe place until he tracked me down. He waited at my workplace for me to leave and then he wanted to talk, I let him… he handed me a jewellery box… Yes!! Can you believe it?!?!? He wanted to propose with a ring , I assume I paid for. I told him not to even think about it.The only time I saw him again was at court.

This is a very short version of the worst 3 years of my life.

The week I left him a woman lost her life at the hands of her jealous partner, within two weeks another two women were killed by their partners in my city . These were the ones reported on the news, since then the laws on domestic violence in Australia have changed drastically and there is no tolerance for it. I’m extremely lucky, I believe that he would have killed me sooner or later.

I now have a wonderful, caring, loving man , who I sincerely love with all my heart. 

E.

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