Hi everyone, I'm sorry it's been so long since my last post.
Since then things have gone downhill, I've been very moody, depressed, strange, tired, confused, anxious, snappy and just plain unhappy 😔.
Turns out going off the contraceptive pill can do this (wish the dr had mentioned it). It's been 3 very long months of bickering and arguing with my loved ones.
I decided yesterday to see if it could be the side effects of going off the pill and low and behold I found a forum of 81 pages of women going through similar symptoms as I have and still am.
Now I know I'm feeling a little better and there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Many women say it takes about 6-8 months to get back to "normal ".
Upside: I'm off to France tomorrow morning with my love (hopefully still loves me at the end of this holiday). It's been very hard on him ( I'm sorry 😐).
Note to self… Eve you are going back to a city you love ❤️ be HAPPY 😊.
Ever think you should have let the psychologist lead the way in the session?
I was going in to do more schema- therapy and rescripting but I did not stop talking. I just kept rambling on and telling her this and that. She did ask questions but I kept veering off , maybe I was subconsciously avoiding delving deep into the past again and having all those feelings resurfacing. Funny thing is that I actually wanted to do the schema-therapy and rescripting again, I was fully prepared.
I know, I know , you are thinking , it’s good to talk to your therapist, they may notice something in your rambling?
But now I only have 4 sessions left that are subsidised by Medicare. So I really need to make sure I use them wisely.
I’m just going to be completely honest and tell you I’m feeling extremely emotional and scared about my upcoming session this afternoon.
Last week I was left feeling drained after my first session of schema-therapy and rescripting (link in previous post). During the session I closed my eyes and found my safe place first, then my therapist introduced herself as my “saviour ” to be there for the “young Ms Eve” when she needs someone to stand up for her. We went back to a time in my life when I was under the age of 10 and I spoke about a time in my life that upset me. This is where I got very emotional 😭. My therapist would also ask if young Ms Eve needed a hug or to be picked up or to hold her hand. Of course, my therapist remains in her chair, these offers of comfort are just suggestive.
I cried and my body shook with all these past emotions coming to the surface. You know these feelings are there and you just think you’ve gotten over the past, but you just don’t realise that you haven’t really forgiven and forgotten things that happened. When you go back to those times it HURTS!
The idea of the session is to go back to a time when a particular event happened. To speak as you were then , in a present tense. Then the therapist asks what help you’d like, to talk to whoever caused this pain, to comfort you, to take you to a place that you feel safe etc… rescripting your reaction essentially.
At first it was weird for me, but after talking about it and hearing the therapist speak up for me , I started to feel calm.
I totally recommend this form of therapy if something in your past triggers hurt, insecurities, anxiety, fear etc…
I guess I’m fearful of getting so emotional during my sessions and not getting past the triggers.
I hope I’ve made some sense. 😊
Had my first Schema-therapy and re-scripting session with my psychologist this morning. It was very emotional going back to my 5 year old self (i think i was 5). The psychologist asked how i was feeling, and asked me to speak in the present tense not past tense. Feelings of the incident came back full force, i was scared,anxious,nervous,sad,angry and i cried and dug my fingernails in to my fingertips. She kept asking me what i needed as a 5 year old eg; a hug, hold my hand, pick me up…i kept saying i don’t know. She also spoke to the people making me feel this way. It made me feel a bit better. We then went and fed the ducks (in my mind).
Have you done this?
I found it a little weird at first but then i just let go and accepted the mindful therapy.
On Wednesday I had a lovely girls day with my friend P. We had a South American lunch with Sangria, then went to my local cafe for coffee and cake. Lots of girly chats and laughs. Later in the afternoon we sat in my kitchen and had a cuppa before P set off home.
I messaged my bf and he called back on Skype, it cut out. I thought it was strange because usually when he knows I’m with a friend, he prefers that I’m not rude and msg or call him when I’m supposed to be paying attention to them.
After P left , I called my bf on Skype. I asked him why he tried calling while P was here, he said he wanted to say hi and that I should invite her and her bf for dinner sometime. He’d never mentioned meeting my friends before and it surprised me… my heart filled with love for him .
At about 9pm I had this overwhelming urge to send my bf a message of how much I love him and I got very emotional writing it. I felt like he needed to know how I felt.
Half an hour later he called me and he was in excruciating pain… kidney stone. My baby was in so much pain and in a different country and I couldn’t help. He needed me…
He is feeling better now and continuing his holiday in Greece. I’ve never felt this way before.
I just wish my anxiety wouldn’t get in the way…
Carrot and walnut muffins sweetened with dates.
Ms Eve’s Moussaka
Inspired by my bf being in Greece 🇬🇷
I really love cooking, I’ve always been very experimental in the kitchen and get inspiration from dishes. That I then go and make up my own recipes. I should write down what I put in but most of the time I don’t measure anything, I just go by what I know tastes good.
I guess I get so busy while cooking , I forget about everything else going on in my head.