I’m just going to be completely honest and tell you I’m feeling extremely emotional and scared about my upcoming session this afternoon.
Last week I was left feeling drained after my first session of schema-therapy and rescripting (link in previous post). During the session I closed my eyes and found my safe place first, then my therapist introduced herself as my “saviour ” to be there for the “young Ms Eve” when she needs someone to stand up for her. We went back to a time in my life when I was under the age of 10 and I spoke about a time in my life that upset me. This is where I got very emotional 😭. My therapist would also ask if young Ms Eve needed a hug or to be picked up or to hold her hand. Of course, my therapist remains in her chair, these offers of comfort are just suggestive.
I cried and my body shook with all these past emotions coming to the surface. You know these feelings are there and you just think you’ve gotten over the past, but you just don’t realise that you haven’t really forgiven and forgotten things that happened. When you go back to those times it HURTS!
The idea of the session is to go back to a time when a particular event happened. To speak as you were then , in a present tense. Then the therapist asks what help you’d like, to talk to whoever caused this pain, to comfort you, to take you to a place that you feel safe etc… rescripting your reaction essentially.
At first it was weird for me, but after talking about it and hearing the therapist speak up for me , I started to feel calm.
I totally recommend this form of therapy if something in your past triggers hurt, insecurities, anxiety, fear etc…
I guess I’m fearful of getting so emotional during my sessions and not getting past the triggers.
I hope I’ve made some sense. 😊
Had my first Schema-therapy and re-scripting session with my psychologist this morning. It was very emotional going back to my 5 year old self (i think i was 5). The psychologist asked how i was feeling, and asked me to speak in the present tense not past tense. Feelings of the incident came back full force, i was scared,anxious,nervous,sad,angry and i cried and dug my fingernails in to my fingertips. She kept asking me what i needed as a 5 year old eg; a hug, hold my hand, pick me up…i kept saying i don’t know. She also spoke to the people making me feel this way. It made me feel a bit better. We then went and fed the ducks (in my mind).
Have you done this?
I found it a little weird at first but then i just let go and accepted the mindful therapy.
I feel lonely…
I realise my man is right when he says I can’t be with myself for long.
Last night I took my man and his son to the airport, to start their epic adventure. As soon as I got home and went to bed I noticed how empty the bed was. I started to miss him and they hadn’t even boarded the plane yet.
I await his messages, I want to sleep and I want to eat really bad food … lovesick 🙄.
5 more weeks…
What am I going to do?
Ms Eve is discovering she loves her man more than she ever thought she would ever love anyone.
Next week I am taking my man and his son to the airport to see them off on there Greek adventure.
I’m excited for them, but I will miss my bf terribly. I am a much stronger, mature woman now and I’m so happy that they can go explore another country. If all goes well and bf finds what he is looking for there then we will go back there together later in the year.
I love my man very much and more than anything want him to be happy 😊. In the past year I’ve learned that being selfish doesn’t make me happy, but seeing others happy helps me on my journey to true happiness.
My love makes me happy.
It’s been over a week since I’ve been to the gym but I’m back on track 😊.
During my psychologist appointment the other day the dr concluded that I do not suffer ptsd. Simply because I do not look over my shoulder in fear, I don’t freak out over loud noises and I don’t have dreams that cause me to feel like I’m back in the bad situation.
My “problem ” is worthlessness, low self confidence and the need to seek approval from people. Stemming from childhood.
We are going to work on building up my confidence and treating myself better. Not being afraid of making decisions for myself… I tend to overthink even the smallest things and how it is going to affect someone else( my bf, my children, my friends, my bosses etc) . I don’t want to be a disappointment which means often I miss out on things that may be good for me.
I want nothing more than to be a confident, respected and trusted woman.
Today felt a lot easier than yesterday… I’m feeling great!