My choices in life have led me to allow others to disrespect me. I’ve allowed it and just stopped noticing when it is happening. So then I don’t stop it from happening and it just keeps continuing.
How did I find out I was being disrespected? I told my man some things that were said to me (that I thought were funny ). When he heard what people were saying to me he could not believe that I would let people disrespect me like that.
I was confused at first, thinking these people were just being silly, just Aussie larrikins, didn’t really mean what they were saying…
But, when I took time to think about it , I was shocked to see that people don’t respect me as a mature respectable woman.
Of course, a lot of this behavior is because of my own behavior in the past. During my last relationship (mental and physical abuse) I would try to cover up what was happening at home by over exaggerating my love life to somehow make others think I had this amazing relationship and exciting intimacy.
This was my mistake!!!
Some people only remember me this way because they haven’t seen me since my life has changed. Not their fault… but I have changed and I need to set them straight if they speak to me in a disrespectful way.
Trying to be someone I’m not has backfired… so much so , some people still treat me like the fake I was.
Unfortunately, I still don’t know who I am. But I sure know who I’m not.
I NEED TO STAND UP FOR MYSELF
Many of my friends know what I went through and know how I’ve changed over the last 2 years and have seen me grow and mature and slowly move on from my nightmare. They never bring up things from my past or think it’s funny to mention embarrassing things I may have said or done. My real friends respect me.
Still in discovery mode…
Hi everyone, I'm sorry it's been so long since my last post.
Since then things have gone downhill, I've been very moody, depressed, strange, tired, confused, anxious, snappy and just plain unhappy 😔.
Turns out going off the contraceptive pill can do this (wish the dr had mentioned it). It's been 3 very long months of bickering and arguing with my loved ones.
I decided yesterday to see if it could be the side effects of going off the pill and low and behold I found a forum of 81 pages of women going through similar symptoms as I have and still am.
Now I know I'm feeling a little better and there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Many women say it takes about 6-8 months to get back to "normal ".
Upside: I'm off to France tomorrow morning with my love (hopefully still loves me at the end of this holiday). It's been very hard on him ( I'm sorry 😐).
Note to self… Eve you are going back to a city you love ❤️ be HAPPY 😊.
I’m just going to be completely honest and tell you I’m feeling extremely emotional and scared about my upcoming session this afternoon.
Last week I was left feeling drained after my first session of schema-therapy and rescripting (link in previous post). During the session I closed my eyes and found my safe place first, then my therapist introduced herself as my “saviour ” to be there for the “young Ms Eve” when she needs someone to stand up for her. We went back to a time in my life when I was under the age of 10 and I spoke about a time in my life that upset me. This is where I got very emotional 😭. My therapist would also ask if young Ms Eve needed a hug or to be picked up or to hold her hand. Of course, my therapist remains in her chair, these offers of comfort are just suggestive.
I cried and my body shook with all these past emotions coming to the surface. You know these feelings are there and you just think you’ve gotten over the past, but you just don’t realise that you haven’t really forgiven and forgotten things that happened. When you go back to those times it HURTS!
The idea of the session is to go back to a time when a particular event happened. To speak as you were then , in a present tense. Then the therapist asks what help you’d like, to talk to whoever caused this pain, to comfort you, to take you to a place that you feel safe etc… rescripting your reaction essentially.
At first it was weird for me, but after talking about it and hearing the therapist speak up for me , I started to feel calm.
I totally recommend this form of therapy if something in your past triggers hurt, insecurities, anxiety, fear etc…
I guess I’m fearful of getting so emotional during my sessions and not getting past the triggers.
I hope I’ve made some sense. 😊
Had my first Schema-therapy and re-scripting session with my psychologist this morning. It was very emotional going back to my 5 year old self (i think i was 5). The psychologist asked how i was feeling, and asked me to speak in the present tense not past tense. Feelings of the incident came back full force, i was scared,anxious,nervous,sad,angry and i cried and dug my fingernails in to my fingertips. She kept asking me what i needed as a 5 year old eg; a hug, hold my hand, pick me up…i kept saying i don’t know. She also spoke to the people making me feel this way. It made me feel a bit better. We then went and fed the ducks (in my mind).
Have you done this?
I found it a little weird at first but then i just let go and accepted the mindful therapy.
I feel lonely…
I realise my man is right when he says I can’t be with myself for long.
Last night I took my man and his son to the airport, to start their epic adventure. As soon as I got home and went to bed I noticed how empty the bed was. I started to miss him and they hadn’t even boarded the plane yet.
I await his messages, I want to sleep and I want to eat really bad food … lovesick 🙄.
5 more weeks…
What am I going to do?
Ms Eve is discovering she loves her man more than she ever thought she would ever love anyone.
Next week I am taking my man and his son to the airport to see them off on there Greek adventure.
I’m excited for them, but I will miss my bf terribly. I am a much stronger, mature woman now and I’m so happy that they can go explore another country. If all goes well and bf finds what he is looking for there then we will go back there together later in the year.
I love my man very much and more than anything want him to be happy 😊. In the past year I’ve learned that being selfish doesn’t make me happy, but seeing others happy helps me on my journey to true happiness.
My love makes me happy.