My choices in life have led me to allow others to disrespect me. I’ve allowed it and just stopped noticing when it is happening. So then I don’t stop it from happening and it just keeps continuing.
How did I find out I was being disrespected? I told my man some things that were said to me (that I thought were funny ). When he heard what people were saying to me he could not believe that I would let people disrespect me like that.
I was confused at first, thinking these people were just being silly, just Aussie larrikins, didn’t really mean what they were saying…
But, when I took time to think about it , I was shocked to see that people don’t respect me as a mature respectable woman.
Of course, a lot of this behavior is because of my own behavior in the past. During my last relationship (mental and physical abuse) I would try to cover up what was happening at home by over exaggerating my love life to somehow make others think I had this amazing relationship and exciting intimacy.
This was my mistake!!!
Some people only remember me this way because they haven’t seen me since my life has changed. Not their fault… but I have changed and I need to set them straight if they speak to me in a disrespectful way.
Trying to be someone I’m not has backfired… so much so , some people still treat me like the fake I was.
Unfortunately, I still don’t know who I am. But I sure know who I’m not.
I NEED TO STAND UP FOR MYSELF
Many of my friends know what I went through and know how I’ve changed over the last 2 years and have seen me grow and mature and slowly move on from my nightmare. They never bring up things from my past or think it’s funny to mention embarrassing things I may have said or done. My real friends respect me.
Still in discovery mode…
I’m just going to be completely honest and tell you I’m feeling extremely emotional and scared about my upcoming session this afternoon.
Last week I was left feeling drained after my first session of schema-therapy and rescripting (link in previous post). During the session I closed my eyes and found my safe place first, then my therapist introduced herself as my “saviour ” to be there for the “young Ms Eve” when she needs someone to stand up for her. We went back to a time in my life when I was under the age of 10 and I spoke about a time in my life that upset me. This is where I got very emotional 😭. My therapist would also ask if young Ms Eve needed a hug or to be picked up or to hold her hand. Of course, my therapist remains in her chair, these offers of comfort are just suggestive.
I cried and my body shook with all these past emotions coming to the surface. You know these feelings are there and you just think you’ve gotten over the past, but you just don’t realise that you haven’t really forgiven and forgotten things that happened. When you go back to those times it HURTS!
The idea of the session is to go back to a time when a particular event happened. To speak as you were then , in a present tense. Then the therapist asks what help you’d like, to talk to whoever caused this pain, to comfort you, to take you to a place that you feel safe etc… rescripting your reaction essentially.
At first it was weird for me, but after talking about it and hearing the therapist speak up for me , I started to feel calm.
I totally recommend this form of therapy if something in your past triggers hurt, insecurities, anxiety, fear etc…
I guess I’m fearful of getting so emotional during my sessions and not getting past the triggers.
I hope I’ve made some sense. 😊
I hate how you can go from feeling good to feeling not so good in a matter of hours.
Last night, before cooking dinner, I sat with my man and contemplated asking him to come to a family dinner for a 60th. I went over how I would ask him and went over and over and over it. I looked at him reading his book and wondered if I should wait to ask, but then told myself “just ask”. So I did. His answer disappointed me, this then caused my mood to drop and I wanted to cry.
I know this is a trigger from my past, that I haven’t touched on yet.
A few hours later , my man asked what was wrong and after a lot of telling him “it doesn’t matter”, I told him and he said if it is that important to me, of course he’ll go. I think I think of the worst answer and work myself up about it.
For me, I always think that things like that wouldn’t bother others so I tell myself to suck it up and not worry. But, my man doesn’t know something is important to me unless I talk to him. I’m so afraid of being a disappointment even though he always says he is never disappointed in me.
Do you do things like this?