Schema-therapy Part 2

I’m just going to be completely honest and tell you I’m feeling extremely emotional and scared about my upcoming session this afternoon.

Last week I was left feeling drained after my first session of schema-therapy and rescripting (link in previous post).  During the session I closed my eyes and found my safe place first, then my therapist introduced herself as my “saviour ” to be there for the “young Ms Eve” when she needs someone to stand up for her. We went back to a time in my life when I was under the age of 10 and I spoke about a time in my life that upset me. This is where I got very emotional 😭. My therapist would also ask if young Ms Eve needed a hug or to be picked up or to hold her hand. Of course, my therapist remains in her chair, these offers of comfort are just suggestive.

I cried and my body shook with all these past emotions coming to the surface. You know these feelings are there and you just think you’ve gotten over the past, but you just don’t realise that you haven’t really forgiven and forgotten things that happened. When you go back to those times it HURTS! 

The idea of the session is to go back to a time when a particular event happened. To speak as you were then , in a present tense. Then the therapist asks what help you’d like, to talk to whoever caused this pain, to comfort you, to take you to a place that you feel safe etc… rescripting your reaction essentially. 

At first it was weird for me, but after talking about it and hearing the therapist speak up for me , I started to feel calm.

I totally recommend this form of therapy if something in your past triggers hurt, insecurities, anxiety, fear etc…

I guess I’m fearful of getting so emotional during my sessions and not getting past the triggers. 

I hope I’ve made some sense. 😊

E.

Real love?

On Wednesday I had a lovely girls day with my friend P. We had a South American lunch with Sangria, then went to my local cafe for coffee and cake. Lots of girly chats and laughs. Later in the afternoon we sat in my kitchen and had a cuppa before P set off home. 

I messaged my bf and he called back on Skype, it cut out. I thought it was strange because usually when he knows I’m with a friend, he prefers that I’m not rude and msg or call him when I’m supposed to be paying attention to them.

After P left , I called my bf on Skype. I asked him why he tried calling while P was here, he said he wanted to say hi and that I should invite her and her bf for dinner sometime. He’d never mentioned meeting my friends before and it surprised me… my heart filled with love for him . 

At about 9pm I had this overwhelming urge to send my bf a message of how much I love him and I got very emotional writing it. I felt like he needed to know how I felt.

Half an hour later he called me and he was in excruciating pain… kidney stone. My baby was in so much pain and in a different country and I couldn’t help. He needed me…

He is feeling better now and continuing his holiday in Greece. I’ve never felt this way before.

I just wish my anxiety wouldn’t get in the way…

E.

I am strong…

Next week I am taking my man and his son to the airport to see them off on there Greek adventure. 

I’m excited for them, but I will miss my bf terribly. I am a much stronger, mature woman now and I’m so happy that they can go explore another country. If all goes well and bf finds what he is looking for there then we will go back there together later in the year.

I love my man very much and more than anything want him to be happy 😊. In the past year I’ve learned that being selfish doesn’t make me happy, but seeing others happy helps me on my journey to true happiness. 

My love makes me happy.

E.

Looking back is a curse…

And so the story continues

I met a lovely kind young man when I went to a club with my friends one night. I can see where I ruined not only my life but a very good mans life too. Looking back is a curse.

I can clearly see now that I chose him because his friend was taken and my friend wanted him. The challenge, competition and making someone jealous was always my favorite game when out clubbing. I enjoyed the attention even if it wasn’t good or good for me. Young and stupid, selfish and inconsiderate.

This led to me marrying 21 months later. On the wedding day there were signs I was doing the wrong thing. I asked the driver to go around the block while I calmed myself down, my father told me I could change my mind until I said “I do”. And then when I stepped out of the limousine in front of the church a passerby yelled “SUCKED IN!” 

What did I do??? I ignored all of it. I’m a stubborn bitch. 

Has anyone else done shit like this? Am I the only one? Please let me know. Leave a comment.

E.