I need to stand up for myself & notice when I’m being disrespected…

My choices in life have led me to allow others to disrespect me. I’ve allowed it and just stopped noticing when it is happening. So then I don’t stop it from happening and it just keeps continuing.

How did I find out I was being disrespected? I told my man some things that were said to me (that I thought were funny ). When he heard what people were saying to me he could not believe that I would let people disrespect me like that.

I was confused at first, thinking these people were just being silly, just Aussie larrikins, didn’t really mean what they were saying…

But, when I took time to think about it , I was shocked to see that people don’t respect me as a mature respectable woman.

Of course, a lot of this behavior is because of my own behavior in the past. During my last relationship (mental and physical abuse) I would try to cover up what was happening at home by over exaggerating my love life to somehow make others think I had this amazing relationship and exciting intimacy.

This was my mistake!!!

Some people only remember me this way because they haven’t seen me since my life has changed. Not their fault… but I have changed and I need to set them straight if they speak to me in a disrespectful way.

Trying to be someone I’m not has backfired… so much so , some people still treat me like the fake I was.

Unfortunately, I still don’t know who I am. But I sure know who I’m not.

I NEED TO STAND UP FOR MYSELF

Many of my friends know what I went through and know how I’ve changed over the last 2 years and have seen me grow and mature and slowly move on from my nightmare. They never bring up things from my past or think it’s funny to mention embarrassing things I may have said or done. My real friends respect me.

Still in discovery mode…

E. x

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It’s been a long time…

Hi everyone, I'm sorry it's been so long since my last post.
Since then things have gone downhill, I've been very moody, depressed, strange, tired, confused, anxious, snappy and just plain unhappy 😔.
Turns out going off the contraceptive pill can do this (wish the dr had mentioned it). It's been 3 very long months of bickering and arguing with my loved ones.
I decided yesterday to see if it could be the side effects of going off the pill and low and behold I found a forum of 81 pages of women going through similar symptoms as I have and still am.
Now I know I'm feeling a little better and there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Many women say it takes about 6-8 months to get back to "normal ".
Upside: I'm off to France tomorrow morning with my love (hopefully still loves me at the end of this holiday). It's been very hard on him ( I'm sorry 😐).
Note to self… Eve you are going back to a city you love ❤️ be HAPPY 😊.
E.

Wasting time at a Psychologist sessionĀ 

Ever think you should have let the psychologist lead the way in the session?

I was going in to do more schema- therapy and rescripting but I did not stop talking.  I just kept rambling on and telling her this and that. She did ask questions but I kept veering off , maybe I was subconsciously avoiding delving deep into the past again and having all those feelings resurfacing.  Funny thing is that I actually wanted to do the schema-therapy and rescripting again, I was fully prepared.

I know, I know , you are thinking , it’s good to talk to your therapist, they may notice something in your rambling?

But now I only have 4 sessions left that are subsidised by Medicare. So I really need to make sure I use them wisely.

E.

Looking back is a curse…

And so the story continues

I met a lovely kind young man when I went to a club with my friends one night. I can see where I ruined not only my life but a very good mans life too. Looking back is a curse.

I can clearly see now that I chose him because his friend was taken and my friend wanted him. The challenge, competition and making someone jealous was always my favorite game when out clubbing. I enjoyed the attention even if it wasn’t good or good for me. Young and stupid, selfish and inconsiderate.

This led to me marrying 21 months later. On the wedding day there were signs I was doing the wrong thing. I asked the driver to go around the block while I calmed myself down, my father told me I could change my mind until I said “I do”. And then when I stepped out of the limousine in front of the church a passerby yelled “SUCKED IN!” 

What did I do??? I ignored all of it. I’m a stubborn bitch. 

Has anyone else done shit like this? Am I the only one? Please let me know. Leave a comment.

E.