On Wednesday I had a lovely girls day with my friend P. We had a South American lunch with Sangria, then went to my local cafe for coffee and cake. Lots of girly chats and laughs. Later in the afternoon we sat in my kitchen and had a cuppa before P set off home.
I messaged my bf and he called back on Skype, it cut out. I thought it was strange because usually when he knows I’m with a friend, he prefers that I’m not rude and msg or call him when I’m supposed to be paying attention to them.
After P left , I called my bf on Skype. I asked him why he tried calling while P was here, he said he wanted to say hi and that I should invite her and her bf for dinner sometime. He’d never mentioned meeting my friends before and it surprised me… my heart filled with love for him .
At about 9pm I had this overwhelming urge to send my bf a message of how much I love him and I got very emotional writing it. I felt like he needed to know how I felt.
Half an hour later he called me and he was in excruciating pain… kidney stone. My baby was in so much pain and in a different country and I couldn’t help. He needed me…
He is feeling better now and continuing his holiday in Greece. I’ve never felt this way before.
I just wish my anxiety wouldn’t get in the way…
I wish I knew this years ago!!!
I always did what was “right” by everyone else’s standards. Ever heard of WWJD? What Would Jesus Do… well it was more like “how can I do this and make my parents/church happy and keep them off my back?”
I just wanted to live and do what other people my age were doing, their parents didn’t question where they stayed the night or tell them they got sick whenever they had sex or that the sins they had done were being passed down the generations.
GUILT, GUILT, GUILT
At 18 I got a boyfriend who my parents would not approve of, I had to ask him to church and then the church prayed for him to make him believe in God. I was so embarrassed but I also thought if he at least looked like he was starting to believe then I’d get away with having sex. About a year into our relationship I told him we had to get married, so we got engaged. 18!!!!
After a few months my fiancé told me he never wanted children and I decided I wanted something different, so I broke up with him . Last I heard he is an atheist.
3 months later I told God that the next guy I met would be it. And that night out with my friends I met him ( the father of my children).
This post seems to dragging out… am I just rambling???
I guess I became scared and insecure about whether people would still love me if they knew the truth …
Doing what was “right”
I was never one of those children who pushed the boundaries very far. The boundaries I pushed were like watching tv instead of doing my chores or homework, going to the shops on the way home from school instead of going straight home… we were latchkey children, so our parents wouldn’t have known what we did in the afternoon before they got home from work. We could have been such naughty children but we knew our limits and our parents limits.
I did my school work and my chores because it was expected (the same in all households).
Finished high school with average grades.
Time to move out!!! So I didn’t have to do things because I lived under my parents roof.
I moved out, I got a job and I still did what my parents wanted, I was too scared not to go to church every Sunday or youth group on Saturday nights. I would have to deal with the conflict and it was too hard to argue.
There is more to come, but I’d like to know if anyone else has led a life similar to mine. Please leave a comment.