Hi everyone, I'm sorry it's been so long since my last post.
Since then things have gone downhill, I've been very moody, depressed, strange, tired, confused, anxious, snappy and just plain unhappy 😔.
Turns out going off the contraceptive pill can do this (wish the dr had mentioned it). It's been 3 very long months of bickering and arguing with my loved ones.
I decided yesterday to see if it could be the side effects of going off the pill and low and behold I found a forum of 81 pages of women going through similar symptoms as I have and still am.
Now I know I'm feeling a little better and there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Many women say it takes about 6-8 months to get back to "normal ".
Upside: I'm off to France tomorrow morning with my love (hopefully still loves me at the end of this holiday). It's been very hard on him ( I'm sorry 😐).
Note to self… Eve you are going back to a city you love ❤️ be HAPPY 😊.
Ever think you should have let the psychologist lead the way in the session?
I was going in to do more schema- therapy and rescripting but I did not stop talking. I just kept rambling on and telling her this and that. She did ask questions but I kept veering off , maybe I was subconsciously avoiding delving deep into the past again and having all those feelings resurfacing. Funny thing is that I actually wanted to do the schema-therapy and rescripting again, I was fully prepared.
I know, I know , you are thinking , it’s good to talk to your therapist, they may notice something in your rambling?
But now I only have 4 sessions left that are subsidised by Medicare. So I really need to make sure I use them wisely.
I’m just going to be completely honest and tell you I’m feeling extremely emotional and scared about my upcoming session this afternoon.
Last week I was left feeling drained after my first session of schema-therapy and rescripting (link in previous post). During the session I closed my eyes and found my safe place first, then my therapist introduced herself as my “saviour ” to be there for the “young Ms Eve” when she needs someone to stand up for her. We went back to a time in my life when I was under the age of 10 and I spoke about a time in my life that upset me. This is where I got very emotional 😭. My therapist would also ask if young Ms Eve needed a hug or to be picked up or to hold her hand. Of course, my therapist remains in her chair, these offers of comfort are just suggestive.
I cried and my body shook with all these past emotions coming to the surface. You know these feelings are there and you just think you’ve gotten over the past, but you just don’t realise that you haven’t really forgiven and forgotten things that happened. When you go back to those times it HURTS!
The idea of the session is to go back to a time when a particular event happened. To speak as you were then , in a present tense. Then the therapist asks what help you’d like, to talk to whoever caused this pain, to comfort you, to take you to a place that you feel safe etc… rescripting your reaction essentially.
At first it was weird for me, but after talking about it and hearing the therapist speak up for me , I started to feel calm.
I totally recommend this form of therapy if something in your past triggers hurt, insecurities, anxiety, fear etc…
I guess I’m fearful of getting so emotional during my sessions and not getting past the triggers.
I hope I’ve made some sense. 😊
And so the story continues…
I met a lovely kind young man when I went to a club with my friends one night. I can see where I ruined not only my life but a very good mans life too. Looking back is a curse.
I can clearly see now that I chose him because his friend was taken and my friend wanted him. The challenge, competition and making someone jealous was always my favorite game when out clubbing. I enjoyed the attention even if it wasn’t good or good for me. Young and stupid, selfish and inconsiderate.
This led to me marrying 21 months later. On the wedding day there were signs I was doing the wrong thing. I asked the driver to go around the block while I calmed myself down, my father told me I could change my mind until I said “I do”. And then when I stepped out of the limousine in front of the church a passerby yelled “SUCKED IN!”
What did I do??? I ignored all of it. I’m a stubborn bitch.
Has anyone else done shit like this? Am I the only one? Please let me know. Leave a comment.